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Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
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I'm living at Mattie House in Marlboro. Write me...
86 Conover Rd.
Marlboro, NJ 07746
I'll post my cell number if it's new when I get that shit on Sunday. I'm working in my cubicle right now. FML.
Oh and I'm 160 lbs now. I gained over thirty pounds in a month. Jail rocks. Eat your fucking heart out.
Court on Monday. Shit shit shit hopefully everything works out and I can stay out of prison and maybe even keep my license.
My job blocks me from Myspace, Facebook, and remote proxies so I can't go around it. Damn. Oh well, at least I can listen to my iPod all day long while working. My fingers hurt from typing for eight hours though.
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Button,
I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I keep replaying it over and over in my head thinking about where i went wrong. I love you more than anything. I can't even figure out how to get in touch with you though. If you read this, just know that you mean the world to me and I'll always love you.
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
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Thursday, February 19th, 2009
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I just have to say that I'm glad to be rid of a thieving, prostituting, scumbag liar of a cunt.
I don't blame her for shit. If I didn't move back to New Jersey, where you stole from me and fucked other guys for drugs (considered prostitution in some circles), I never would have the relationship I do now.
There's no one left for you to blame when Allison and I aren't around.
"And you can't blame your mother, she's trying not to see you as her worst mistake."
I've been so happy these last few days. My girlfriend treats me as good as I treat her. I'm in one of those 'cute' couples that I abhor, but I don't even care. I don't want this feeling to go away.
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Sunday, February 15th, 2009
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Everything always has it's way of turning right back around again. Like that night that she was leaving, and not believing that this time her fears were all just doubts. I'm never going back. I'm over feeling sorry, so just deal with that.
Find comfort in yourself.
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Sometimes what you need is right in front of you the whole time. Today was amazing.
There's a ticking bomb and it's going to go off sometime soon, and when it does I want to be clear of the blast zone.
I love you all. I do. We do this for the passion and not for the fashion or fame.
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Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. I just snapped. I've fucking lost it. I'm hallucinating whenever I close my eyes, and it's the most fucked up images. It's the same shit over and over again. My worst fears and insecurities come to life. That's what the fuck I'm seeing when I shut my eyes. You know what I mean. I'm driving myself insane. I want to die. I should be dead. Way too much this time.
I haven't felt this way in years and I won't.
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Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
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Hammer nails into my eyes. Now I'll never notice when you're staring at the ground. Wishing that you didn't know what I'm really thinking. You won't even look at me now. Say you'll never leave, please; this war inside my mind is killing me. See myself in shredded skin. Sew my lips together so I won't have to say a word. What I never meant to say, I wish I could erase it - make it right again some day. Say you'll never leave, please; this war inside my mind is killing me. I'll cut out my throat and I'll eat it raw, and drown in the blood as it fills my lungs. Say you'll never leave; please this war inside my mind is killing me. It’s killing me.
It’s killing me.
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Friday, December 26th, 2008
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If you're a smart kid, you'll stay the hell away from love. And if it comes to murder - don't tell and we won't ask you how you sleep at night when the lights go out and you're all alone.
Merry fucking Christmas.
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Saturday, December 20th, 2008
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Every time you swallow, do you get a taste of what you've become?
Please understand that you've had every chance. You've had all the time, all the time in the world.
Everyone's just looking for
a reason to go on
But every time I turn around
I feel that you are gone
And I know from my mistake before
I should have seen the truth
Do it one more time
And it'll be my fault for trusting you
Could I ever trust the words you say?
Still trying to say
That I can't forget what you did, no way
You're wasting my time, trying my patience
Still I can't forget what you did, no way
Everyone's just looking for
A person whom to trust
But every time I turn around
I feel that you are lost
Ignored what felt so wrong
To just play the fool once again
Gave up on feelings strong
And buried them
It seems so pointless
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The situations, are irrelevant now
She loves the way that I tease
I love the way that she breathes
I touched her oohh she touched my ahhhh
It was the craziest thing
I love the girls who hate to love
Because they're just like me
A certain girl
She took my hand and ran it up her thigh
She licked her lips and pulled my hair
I fall in love for a night
She can't behave, and I'm just a slave
Don't worry I'll be gone when the morning comes
Darling, what is going on
Honestly that never happened
Lying is your favorite passion
Leave me, go where you belong
Higher heels and lipstick napkins
Dying is your latest fashion
The frustration, it's a regular thing
I hate the ones who love to hate
Because they're just like me
A certain girl
She took her hand and put it in my lap
It's way too ....
She said once you have me
You'll always come back
She can't behave, and I'm just a slave
Don't worry I'll be gone when the morning comes
I know, you love to resist
And all it takes is a kiss
And you just love to hate me
You know, you love all the lies
So don't act suprised
That I just love to hate you
I kissed your lips
You pulled my hair
It was the craziest thing
I love the girls who love to hate
Leave me, (darling) go where you belong
Higher heels and lipstick napkins
Dying is your favorite fashion
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Saturday, December 13th, 2008
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Kiss my butt. Lick fromunda cheese from under my nuts.
There is that Eminem new enough for you? Fuck. I just spent an imaginary $120 on the pre-order for the new Coheed DVD. I'm an idiot.
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Sunday, December 7th, 2008
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So last night I went to the most ridiculous "AA" meeting ever in Hollywood. Fucking actors, I can't even call it AA. It's insane. They just talk while people are sharing and heckle each other. They insert sexual innuendo everywhere, and titties have a chance of coming out. "Rarely have we seen a person who has thoroughly swallowed our shaft..."
You guys should rearrange your fantasy football teams cause I blew my knee. Playing football in a parking lot at 1 AM is not smart. My knee is so big right now.
Twelve days.
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Friday, December 5th, 2008
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You're my fucking world. I'd move mountains to get everything to work out. I fucking love you. You're my everything.
I shouldn't be able to keep my eyes open right now. Thirteen days.
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Thursday, December 4th, 2008
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Well, to be honest, the smell of these chronic leaves make me hella demonic,
They compelled me to kill this elderly man
And I get these panic attacks, pop a Xanax, relax
Tryin to stick my fuckin' dick inside a mannequin's ass
Then I get manic depressed, see the orthodontist, get gassed,
Man, it's kick ass, the first thing I put on is the mask.
What do you know about new Slim Shady? He's back and so am I.
So I'm fucking over my best friend to be with my girlfriend. I know I'm not doing the "right" thing, but I don't care. I love Sarah.
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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After all this time, I stand by you
Through all of the years, I've been with you
Though pain and affliction, with every addiction
I will never let you down
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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So middle of the night emergency room visits suck.
I'm deliriously tired and just wanted to share this with everyone:
"Truck truck nigga blow some dogs. Wut wut nigga breed some hogs. Midget sex, midget sex, let me in. Not by the balls on Rrrrrr's chinny chin chin."
Don't ask...
Two days.
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Monday, November 17th, 2008
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i lv y s mch tht t hrts m hd.
My mind's made up. Why am I scared I won't be able to get up? When I fall into the hole I've made, I brace myself alone. I'll find the strength within myself to climb out on my own.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
So it's sad this doesn't suit you now
but I need to feel the
shackles on my feet and all
the times it keeps you sober
So take me and break me
and make me strong like you
I'll be forever grateful to this and you
It's only you beautiful, only you
Will you spare me the gory details
I know you're back, you know the score
Get this nothing out of my stomach,
and give me back my color
Hot water hits the bed and sheets
It coats my lips
No new messages, and I'm feeling quite sick
Next time point it at my heart, I'm starved
Do you understand?
It's only you beautiful, only you
Will you spare me the gory details
I know you're back, I know the score
Four days.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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| Subject: | History |
| Time: | 2:40 am. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | Backend of Forever - Coheed and Cambria. |
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Does anyone else realize just how monumental this is? Barack Obama... President Obama. He actually won, and he didn't just win, he raped McCain. He bent that old fuck over a table and railed his wrinkly behind. As cynical as I am, this still blows my mind.
Crossing my fingers for socialism. I mean if Bush winning by a slim majority in 2004 gave him a mandate for his conservative agenda, then after all this talk of Obama's so-called socialist policies shouldn't he have a mandate for socialism?
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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend.
So why do I act like I do?
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Sunday, October 26th, 2008
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I smoke these cartons because I miss you and how they tasted on your tongue,
I think the city drives me crazy, and I am longing for your cough
I know my head’s in California, but home is where your heart is love
Maybe I’ll see you in November, before you forget the last 2 months.
The summer heat will keep me sweating for you. I'll be back for, I'll be back for you.
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illegalpunkrkr's journal
crappy.
loved.
bouncy.
blah.
nauseated.
awake.
tired.
exhausted.
high.
contemplative.